just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
