tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he puts the penis in happiness.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
