Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast