Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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