Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours