I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
