i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
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i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.