I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My dick has a subreddit
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.