that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he thought i was a dude.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.