i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
We don't watch enough power rangers
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this