The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
