I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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