If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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