I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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