This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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