you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
