there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize