that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
