Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize