i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think my vagina is haunted
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
