You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
