one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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