I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
