TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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