you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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