wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Alive.
So much puke
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
