how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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