I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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