when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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