im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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