So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
