I will die if light touches me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
