Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
