In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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