I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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