You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
