No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
