I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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