their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
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This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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