She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
