did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
