I'm eating all of the evidence.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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