Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
