i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
