the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize