I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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