I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
