dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
