So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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