And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
