btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
