i love accidental penises.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is wine microwaveable?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
