I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
