Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
