return my video game
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
