just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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