Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
