I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
