The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
