I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
