HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude i'm inner monologue high
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
