So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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