everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
