Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
