A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
