After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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