Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
