Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
