Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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