butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
